You do not know me, nor do I know you. My life has made serious unexpected turns these past few months, and I am ecstatic. I am more happy to be alive than I have ever been in this life. I have grown more, learned more, explored more than I ever dreamed. I have fallen in love with the way the sun sets, the way the homeless community has come to know and accept me. I love the way the wind moves through the trees and the fuschia flowers that grow on the grassy knoll. I am a new person, who cares little about her past.
No, that may be too strong a phrase… because every night I fall asleep happy, but still think of my best friend and how I have not spoken to her since March 26th at 5:16am. I walk down the boardwalk laughing and smiling at all the eccentricities and humbly think about how much she would adore the nature of this community. I listen to her voicemails and sometimes egotistically wish things were different….before I remember that everything is the way it is suppose to be.
I find myself separating from this reality and moving into higher thinking, creating a gap between material and mental. I am living in California, and there has not been a single moment in a month that I regret that decision.
It is the best thing that has ever happened to me in this life.
Realizing that I am more free of my past than I ever thought is invigorating.
I do not need negativity, self-hate, or self-loathing in my life. I am growing, and I need to be allowed to do so.
But even with those refreshing walks on the beach and amazing people I have met, I still wish I had my best friend.